I’m Going Stir-Crazy
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Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5: 7
Dear LYF,
I’m going stir-crazy at home with my children and trying to do my job, what can I do?
Dear Stir-Crazy,
There is no doubt that parenting is more challenging at some time versus others.
The current quarantine is one of those more challenging times for many. As the weeks roll by, we have talked with several people concerned that it is getting more and more demanding on several fronts. Tempers are shorter, and emotions heightened. Disappointments with events or activities that you or your children thought were going to happen are more real.
Here is a list of suggestions:
1) Use walks for dialog and exercise.
When the weather allows, go for walks, and pursue exercise. Pray on your walk with your spouse and children or use the time for conversation. Ask them how their day and week is going. Don’t be afraid to dialog the disappointments in missing friends, missing activities, indefinite delays, or uncertainties in what is going to happen next. We find we have more vibrant, open, and more meaningful dialog when we use the time outside for connection.
2) Have a schedule and regroup on that schedule when emotions are spiraling.
Everyone needs some structure to their day to have things to look forward to, to know how to relate to the people you are living with (i.e., When is a good time to interrupt? When are we eating? etc.), and to feel a sense of accomplishment and productivity. Include children in some of the decision making around schedule. Create dialog around this when tensions are escalating and ask for feedback from the household. Finally, enlist your children’s help in running the house, including cooking, cleaning, etc., and put this into the schedule. We have found meal schedules and cleaning schedules, specifically, are helping the spirit of comradery in our house during this time.
3) Be creative on how to use the great outdoors.
Buy rain suits for your small children and brainstorm outdoor activities or projects. Include your children in this brainstorming. Do a game night outside. Send your kids outside for open-ended time where they need to be creative. Support free, creative, and open-ended play. This freedom is a much better activity space than screen time, especially if emotions are not great. Let your child's imagination run rampant with creative play outside.
4) If married, have daily, meaningful check-ins as well as regrouping discussions.
Have a significant ‘How are we both doing, really?’ conversation every day. Find a time and a place to talk where you aren’t interrupted. When the ‘train is falling off the tracks,’ have the daily be about ‘… isn’t working. How can we change it?’ This is what grounds us right now, especially in hard moments. We have found honest discussions between our children and us are invaluable these days.
5) Strive for the character you want your children to emulate.
Difficult times test personal character. You want your child to see your self-less Christianity during this period, not your self-ish emotional reactions. When your patience meter is on "E" for empty, take time to pause, not react. If you feel like lashing out or slamming a door, take time to pray and let God's patience come to you. If you can, talk about these feelings with your spouse or a close friend and spend some time in prayer. Look for occasions to bring out the fruits of the spirit (Gal 5); Love, Joy, Patience, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. Walk with your God. We pray together, often, during this time. We have places we go (garage, closet, etc. 😊) to regroup quietly with God. It all helps.
