Being Willing to be in the Potter's House - by Kenya Donelle

"Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. He said, "Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel." Jeremiah 18:2-4, 6

“We think the shattering in our lives could not possibly be for any good. But what if shattering is the only way to get dust back to its basic form so that something new can be made? We can see dust as a result of an unfair breaking. Or we can see dust as a crucial ingredient."  -Lysa Terkeurst

Why is this happening to me? Why now? Why…me?

I'd been a Christian at the time for 5 ½ years, sure I'd made mistakes, but I thought things with God were going pretty great. Yes, there had been lots of repentance, growth, ups, and downs. But why did my life have to fall apart? Why did it have to be interrupted in such an abrupt, painful way? I don't deserve this. This SHOULDN'T be my….life.

Trauma is unfair. It is inconvenient and disrupts everything. But what if I told you miracles could only happen after tragedy? In the words of Lysa Terkeurst, "What if this painful breaking is part of a beautiful remaking?"

Joycelyn would always tell me I had to find something to hold on to when I was in therapy. To make it through the minute, the hour, the day. With so much help from my spiritual mentors, friends, and family, I was able to find my way back to holding on to Christ. You see, God knew my life was going to fall apart well before I knew. And honestly, that is the beauty of this story. God knows all. And He sets the time and place for everything in my life. He knew there was more growing for me to do, and more strength in Him that I needed to build. And when everything in my life turned to dust, I gained a clearer view of both Him and myself for the first time.

I felt a crisis in identity. My marriage ended, so I was no longer a wife. I took some time off work with no idea when I would return, so I wasn't a brand manager. I struggled week after week going to church, so I questioned my discipleship. Daily prayer? I could barely gather the thoughts to even communicate with God. I wasn't eating healthy or working out, so I was no longer this fitness enthusiast I loved to be. I did not know who I was, or even who I wanted to be. But the thing is, I didn't have to figure it out. The scriptures told me who I was and that my identity is in Christ. And if He isn't yours, I encourage you to find some spiritual individuals who can help study the Bible with you so you can learn God's truth for yourself.

Perseverance feels impossible when getting out of bed in the morning feels like a momentous task. But the thing about perseverance is, there is no formula to perfection. Healing and grieving are unique to you. Taking baby steps is critical, and just making it through each moment at a time is all you can do.

And honestly, that's all I did for a very long time. Get out of bed, try to eat breakfast, and go to counseling. If I did those three things, the day was a victory even if I didn't acknowledge it. Eventually, with the help of my therapist, psychiatrist, mother, sister, so many friends and mentors from church, my days began to fill with joy again, passion again. God was breathing life into me again. He was the potter in my life. Taking the dust and making it into something profound and new, just as described in the potter's house in Jeremiah 18.

Back in February 2019, during my first therapy session, Joyce asked: "what's your goal?" I said, "I need to learn my new normal in life." And after so much work on my relationship with God and myself, I found it. I found it through my mindfulness practices learned in DBT therapy. I found it during my times with God. I found it during my new found hobbies of painting and gardening. I found it through the love of my sweet dog, Jasper. I found it through serving my friends and becoming a doula. I found it through the many tears and loud cries begging God to help me. And he never stopped showing up for me. And he won't stop showing up for you.

 "....Nothing is more effective at turning the negative emotions of loss into something of great value than allowing God to cultivate a heart of gratefulness in and through your struggles. It helps you to create a "new normal."  -Grief Bites: Finding Treasure in Hardships