The Loser, Loner, and Lover - 3 Parenting Tips by Chris Crepage

We’ve heard for years from friends in the world, “oh, you’re in trouble” whenever they see or meet our daughters. I respond with, “they are good girls I’m not super-worried” it’s met with a chuckle. We have 21+ years raising daughters to be ready for adulthood as God would want them to live. They’ve had some success along the way and have grand ambitions for life as adults and in most opinions are “pretty young ladies.” It hasn’t always gone smoothly or as expected, but there are core Biblical principles that guided us. If I could tell young parents three things, it would be these:

RAISE A LOSER

Life stinks! It’s going to happen at some point. There is going to be ups AND downs. Yes, downs! Jesus agrees, “In this world, you will have trouble.” (John 16:33, NIV) So if the creator of the earth says “trouble” is going to occur, why do so many parents try to keep their children from experiencing it. Now I’m not saying to allow children to go through calamities and disparity such as found in the Bible, and I am not expecting parents to pass on being a protector and provider that is in the job description. I’m saying it is alright for our kids to fail. Fall off their bike. Get a bad grade. Lose a little league game. Heck even sit the bench and not get to play that game. The parenting culture seems to have moved from the Helicopter Generation to the Lawn Mower Generation, removing all obstacles from their child’s path so little Johnny doesn’t stumble along his glorious way to 100% success all the time. Our children need to know rejection, failure, less-than-stellar-success as they grow up under our watch so when they leave the nest (Yes! Our children are supposed to move out!), they can handle that awful professor or the worst boss ever.

The Bible is full of passages recognizing “trouble” as a regular occurrence, and in real life, it is a guarantee. We can help ease the blow occasionally by teaching and training our children what we’ve learned along the way. But they must experience losing in some way shape or form to be successful long term.

RAISE A LONER

We used the term “face time” in our house before it was an actual thing from Steve Jobs. It meant for our daughters to develop relationships with the people, especially adults around them. People such as teachers, guidance counselors, coaches, and most importantly, strong mentors in the church. We expected that if they needed something accomplished, they would try on their own to communicate any needs, problems, questions, etc. with their adult relationships, meaning we weren’t orchestrating it for them. As parents, we should always have their backs and willing to help in any way possible, but with some expectation that they are a part of the process. Often being the primary point of contact.

Children need to learn what to do AND doing it. That means, THEM talking with their teachers. THEM hashing out issues with a mentor. THEM doing chores. THEM Getting a part-time job. Being able to represent themselves emotionally, spiritually, and financially independent is critical to future success. When they go before God, Mom and Dad aren’t there intervening to plead little Suzie’s case. Personal responsibility has seemed to become an antiquated notion. When kids can function independently with the parameters of a household, they WILL be strong and independent within the parameters of life.

RAISE A LOVER

The Bible calls us to love, to be the giver.  While He generously and deeply loves us, God does not instruct us to be loved.  Being a receiver is not promised.  The truth is that it is up to each of us to show love to those around us. That takes on many forms: serving, caring, gentleness, and prayer. It is critical that our children see and emulate this regularly. Incorporating these actions into their young life leads to it being second nature as they grow. It should be the norm in households to have people over for dinner, take meals to others who are sick and hurting, send an encouraging note for no reason, or to know someone’s birthday. The opportunities to encourage and show God’s love are endless.  There is always a chance to send a text, e-card, or…yes…a phone call in an age when we are attached to our phones.

The real world is rough. Knowing that, we should help others. Especially help our children to “value others above [themselves]” because “if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is made complete in us.” (Philippians 2:3-4, 1 John 4:11)

Raising children is a challenge. It is critical to understand that each is unique, even siblings. Teach them to be confident, and to know their personalities. Despite having different strengths than their parents, steer them down a path of righteousness and responsibility to glorify God on their own.

-Chris Crepage, Akron, OH